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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26182273">You Do Matter To Me</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/paupotter_4869/pseuds/paupotter_4869'>paupotter_4869</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Last of Us (Video Games)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Agony, Angst, Cutscenes, F/F, MAJOR SPOILERS FROM THE SECOND GAME, SERIOUSLY DO NOT READ ANY MORE IF YOU HAVENT PLAYED THE SECOND PART, and i do not know why i do this to my poor heart, but i couldn't stop myself, by one of the main characters being killed off in the worse possible ways, i invest myself so emotionally with stories and fandoms just to have my heart ripped apart, seriously why does this keep happening to me, so lets just go ahead and spread the pain and misery to the world i suppose, this is like the opposite of a happy ending and fluffyfest, what's new under the sun</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 05:00:58</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>11,640</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26182273</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/paupotter_4869/pseuds/paupotter_4869</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Joel and Ellie centric, because theirs is one of the most beautiful and well-written stories I've experienced in a very long time, that moved me and made me cry and laugh throughout the first game. Their dynamic was the best thing, IMHO, and that was SO lost in TLOU-2. Their flashbacks just killed me. I mean, they cracked my chest open, took my heart, stumped on it, beat it, and set it on literal fire. </p><p>Mainly written from Joel's POV. </p><p>This is not a fix-it or an AU where Joel lives. Although part 2 devastated me utterly and completely, I will respect the story created by Naughty Dog. </p><p>The first three chapters are just one-shots that expand a little bit more some of the cutscenes from TLOU-1 that left me absolutely drained. The fourth chapter is from TLOU-2, an expanded last conversation between Joel and Ellie. And the fifth chapter is just what I'd imagined TLOU-2 would be from seeing the trailer, well before I experienced the game myself. </p><p>So, basically: </p><p><strong>Chapter 1:</strong> Summer's end<br/><strong>Chapter 2: </strong> Winter's end<br/><strong>Chapter 3: </strong> TLOU-1's end<br/><strong>Chapter 4: </strong> Last conversations<br/><strong>Chapter 5: </strong> TLOU-2 Reimagined</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Dina/Ellie (The Last of Us), Ellie &amp; Joel (The Last of Us)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>34</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Summer's End</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I've only recently come across TLOU games because of a dear friend of mine's recommendations and as I mentioned in the summary, I was instantly blown away by Joel/Ellie's relationship and how their dynamic develops throughout TLOU-1. The second part didn't give us nearly enough scenes between the two, but again, I'm not here to fix that. I just needed <em>more</em> and thought perhaps you all might appreciate this, too. </p><p>TW: strong language. Major character deaths. Mentions of abuse. Violence (just to be safe, these TW apply to the entirety of the work). </p><p>All credit belongs to Naughty Dogs. I do not own anything. </p><p>Dedicated to a dear and important friend of mine, whom I equally love and hate for introducing me to the world of pain and suffering that is <em>The Last of Us</em>. </p><p>As mentioned, all chapters are written from Joel's POV. </p><p>Enjoy !!!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Oh, my god. <em>OH, FUCK!”</em>  scowled Ellie, looking alternatively between Sam and Henry’s bodies.  </p><p>Panting slightly, Joel closed his eyes and focused on his breathing until he was certain he wouldn’t suffer any panic attacks--it could not happen, for both his and Ellie’s sakes. When he looked around again, he found Ellie shivering on the ground, gasping for air, unable to move. Unable to shift her eyes from the still-warm bodies of Henry and Sam, blood and brains oozing out from the bullet holes on their skulls.  </p><p>“Ellie,” he whispered, taking her arm. “You OK?”  </p><p><em>“Fucking no!”</em>  she scowled, pushing his hands away. She jumped to her feet, turning her back to the massacre behind her, but she did not know what else to say. They were both dead. As obvious as that statement was, was there truly anything else to add? Tears on her eyes, she dropped her gaze to the floor.  </p><p>Joel knew and understood everything that she was feeling. However, remorse was a mighty dangerous path to go down through. Pondering what could have been, what could have happened, what could he had done to prevent it. . . A million different outcomes had the tiniest thing been different. It took him back twenty years, to a black place and time in his life Joel never truly ever got out of. He’d been down that road before and it wasn’t pretty. He couldn’t go back again. He had to pull through.  </p><p>Sighing under his breath, Joel dropped his grip on Ellie and walked past her. He walked past the two bodies, as well, towards the cupboard he had checked the previous night while he and Henry were sweeping the Tower to make sure it was safe to spend the night. For all the good it did. They had no clue it was too late for Sam, either way.  </p><p>He took the shovel and he felt Ellie’s eyes piercing him while he crossed the room with heavy steps. The girl followed him outside and, when he started digging, she stayed behind, kneeling on the ground, resting her chin against her knees. The shirt soon stuck to Joel’s skin as he started sweating profoundly, his labored breathing and groans of exertion rising in the otherwise eerily silent morning.  </p><p>Ellie’s small, white hands appeared out of nowhere, and Joel stopped before he involuntarily hurt her. He wiped the sweat off his brow, resting for air. Joel hadn’t seen her going back into the Tower and taking a shovel herself, but now she was there, ready and willing to dig the grave together, despite the teary eyes. Without sharing a word, he nodded at her, and they got to work side by side.  </p><p>Slower now, accommodating to Ellie’s pace, they kept digging. Joel didn’t exactly know how deep the grave was supposed to be, but they were both sweating, panting, and covered in dirt by the time he called her to a halt. He dropped his shovel, their job barely begun.  </p><p>Five feet to his right, Ellie leaned on her shovel to catch her breath. Perhaps it was too much for her, after all, but Joel could not nurse her. Instead, he went back inside and carried Henry’s body to the rustic grave they’d dug, letting it fall without much contemplation. He’d lost one too many friends and acquaintances in the past twenty years--a death toll hard to keep track of--and it never got easier. At the very least, they could find some solace with showing Henry and Sam the respect to bury their bodies.  </p><p>He stood again, one more body to take care of, but Ellie had been quicker, this time. She was kneeling by Sam’s body, struggling to stand with the extra weight. Joel didn’t want to stop her, some part of him knowing she needed to do this, but when he saw her eyes, he forced himself to move.  </p><p>“Here,” he said, taking Sam’s corpse out of her hands. She couldn’t have carried him all the way outside, not physically nor emotionally.  </p><p>He laid Sam by Henry’s side and then Ellie and he proceeded to fill the grave back. Henry and Sam’s bodies soon vanished under the soil, with any luck, buried deep enough that no infected or wild animal would smell and find them.  </p><p>Throwing the shovel to the side, Joel stepped back to Ellie’s side, job done. He caught her holding her forearm, the spot where she was bitten, and he knew she wished Sam could have been immune, too, or that she could have somehow healed him. That they’d gotten to Marlene and the Fireflies already, extracted whatever samples they needed from Ellie, and created a cure that could have saved Sam. . .  </p><p>Nonetheless, that was simply wishful thinking from them both. The minute Sam was bitten, there was nothing she or he could have done for the boy. Now, the sooner they got to the Fireflies, the more people they could save.  </p><p>“Grab your stuff. We need to get going,” said Joel.  </p><p>He met a shocked look from Ellie and he sighed--had feared such a response from her. But he couldn’t handle a fight with her right now. He will not allow it. Not today.  </p><p>“What else do you want? A speech? Three days to mourn?” he scowled. “It is not possible, Ellie. We cannot waste a single second. So, grab your stuff, come on.”</p><p>She did not move, however, and Joel did not force her to. He understood. It was all too much for her. That kid had brought with him the first genuine smile and burst of laughter Joel had seen or heard from Ellie since he’d met her--apart from those god-awful pun jokes, that is. She was not used to this, she shouldn’t be, for Christ’s sake. </p><p>“I think he. . . He tried to tell me last night,” she said, patting her foot on the ground. </p><p>Upon Joel’s deep sigh, Ellie dropped her head, avoiding his eye, but kept going. </p><p>“He wondered about Infected. . . If people were still inside after turning,” she said, low voice. “Trapped. . . Without any control of his actions.” </p><p>“Ellie, this virus affects the brain,” Joel reminded her of something she, of course, already knew. “Whether people are still inside or not. . . They’re not themselves anymore.” </p><p>“I know that,” she nodded. “That’s what I told him. But. . . It scared the shit out of him. What if--?”</p><p>“Ellie, what’s done, is done,” he interjected, refusing to go down that path--he’s wondered so many times, too, until he gave up on such nonsense. “We cannot go back and change things. So let things stay in the past. Go pack your stuff.” </p><p>With those last words, he stepped back into the Tower to collect his things and sort out what supplies he could scrounge from Henry and Sam’s belongings. It hurt, of course. But he couldn’t give in to the pain, and neither could Ellie. They had to push through--it was the only way. Life was simply horrifying like that. Alliances and friendships didn’t last long in this hellhole fucking world.  </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Winter's End</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>“Where the hell are you, Ellie?” Joel muttered under his breath.  </p><p>Panic and urgency surged through his body, pushing him forward, faster. He was running as stealthily a human as possible through town, barely registering the pain of his wound, searching desperately. He realized there was no time to check every building and store for Ellie--while he was still being chased.</p><p>But he  <em>had</em>   to find her.  </p><p>When he woke up alone inside that house, Ellie was the first thing that popped into his mind. It had been so long since another person, a kid no less, had been his first priority, before his own safety and survival. Alas, Ellie’s whereabouts and well-being were the first and only thing he could think of at that moment after regaining consciousness.  </p><p>Everything else took a second longer: the blanket he was wrapped up in, the stomach wound clumsily patched up, how much time had he been out of it while leaving Ellie to defend herself; the garage he was in, which he had no recollection whatsoever of even getting there. A handful of dazy memories rushed through his mind: him falling over the horse, Ellie crying, and begging for him to tell her what she was supposed to do. Ellie somehow carrying him to a safe haven, forcing him to eat and drink. Ellie sleeping on the floor by his side, while looking over him. </p><p>Joel pushed all of that aside, pushed all the wonder and regret, and all those unanswered questions, aside. They didn’t matter, not at that moment. Ellie wasn’t there and he had to find her--it was as simple as that. He just knew he had to go after her. She was in his care, not the other way around, and there was so much he needed to make up for. </p><p>He got on his feet, took the backpack, and got out without really knowing where on God’s green Earth he was.  </p><p>Concern towards Ellie drove his every step, thought, and movement. He knew at that moment he couldn’t survive nor forgive himself if she’d gotten hurt—albeit much worse scenarios ran through his mind at that moment, and he had to push away pictures of a bloodied, lifeless corpse that had Ellie’s face instead of Sarah’s. The nightmare that haunted his dreams had changed; his heart had warmed up to a different girl. </p><p>People, not Infected, started attacking and shooting at him without prior warning as soon as Joel showed his face. That was good, he figured, as he got rid of them one by one. That meant that Ellie was close. And all those people could potentially become very useful sources of information, sparing him from going around in circles and not finding Ellie in time.  <br/>
 <br/>
After he found Ellie’s backpack and those dismembered bodies, anxiety grew and spiked to unbelievable levels. He could barely think. Rage consumed him. </p><p>He knew Ellie would fight tooth and nails to escape from these maniacs, but she was still just a girl, all alone, perhaps without a weapon. Joel hated those odds and, to the best of his abilities, he was not going to allow those lunatics to kill her off.  <br/>
 <br/>
<em>He had to find her.  </em><br/>
 <br/>
Human or not, Infected or not, if he found out that they had laid a single finger on Ellie. . . He would kill every last person from this group. Pity, compassion and forgiveness were long-forgotten remnants of a sane world that did not exist anymore. Hadn’t existed for more than two decades.  <br/>
 <br/>
A building on fire, an old restaurant, caught his attention, and he froze a second or two, gasping for air. He figured that a fire was exactly the sort of a havoc and chaos Ellie would think of creating to get out of here.  <br/>
 <br/>
He jumped through a window and he finally found Ellie. What Joel saw, however, was a scene worse than any scenario his terrified mind could have conjured, and his rage vanished, replaced again by concern and the deepest sympathy for the girl. Machete in hand, Ellie was beating the living shit out of a man, disfiguring his face and head.  <br/>
 <br/>
What the hell did they do to her?  <br/>
 <br/>
<em>"Ellie!</em>  Ellie, stop!” Joel ordered, taking her in his arms.  <br/>
 <br/>
She couldn’t tell it was him, at first. In her frightened state, she just thought he was another one of those cannibals and murderers, and she put up a consequent monstrous fight. She yelled and screamed and kicked, struggling in his arms while she desperately tried to get away. </p><p>“Ellie--look, look! It’s me! It’s me,” Joel repeated over and over, attempting to shush her sobs and shrieks. </p><p>It took her a few seconds--eternal seconds for them both. Then, when she finally saw his face, knew who it was, she realized he <em>wasn’t</em> going to make an attempt against her life and she gave up. She rested against his chest and let herself set off crying.  </p><p>“Oh, baby girl. . .” Joe whispered, cradling her, letting Ellie weep for the first time since they’d met, so many weeks before.  “It’s okay. It’s okay, now.” </p><p>“Joel,” she whimpered, holding onto him tightly. </p><p>He repositioned himself so she wasn’t forced to see the man she’d just butchered. All that terror, horror, and torture behind her now, Joel found himself uttering words he hadn’t said in more than two decades. Vowing unkeepable promises only a father can make without a single regret, because it’s the right thing to do. </p><p>“You’re alright, now. I’m never going to leave you again, you understand?” he consoled her.  <br/>
 <br/>
After a minute, she felt barely strong enough to stand, and so Joel led her away. One arm permanently around her shoulders, making sure strength didn’t fail her, Joel held a handgun in his free hand, making sure no more bandits dared to show their faces--they would <em>not</em> find quick deaths. </p><p>Their escape unnoticed for the moment, Joel and Ellie set off running and within minutes, they’d left that hellish town undetected.  <br/>
 <br/>
They went into the woods and would not, could not, stop running. Joel was in two minds about fleeing the State tonight altogether if necessary, even on foot--just trying to put as much distance as possible from that town.  <br/>
 <br/>
Ellie wouldn’t allow that, however.  <br/>
 <br/>
“Joel!” she shrieked then, forcing Joel to halt. “<em>Wait!</em>  Your wound!”  <br/>
 <br/>
The inexperienced stitched injury came to mind then, the vague memory of being impaled dancing hazily in the back of his mind. Except for the nuisance whenever he moved and breathe, that accident at the University was simply a distant, faded event, already. What Ellie had been through during his convalescence, and getting her to safety, was the only thing that mattered to him. Regret for failing to protect her properly was already swelling in his chest--as well as the fear at pondering what could have happened to her. </p><p>It was clear in her face, however, that Ellie couldn’t take one more step. As much as she wanted to get away from that town and those memories, she couldn’t, physically, keep running. </p><p>Putting away his gun, Joel held Ellie by the shoulders, helping her gently against a tree. </p><p>She dropped to her knees, refusing to sit on the ground, in a position Joel recognized: resting, catching her breath, but ready to jump into action if the need, or threat, arose. Seeing her like that hurt Joel’s soul. She must have spent weeks on end hypervigilant, scraping by a few hours of sleep at night, worrying about food, water, Infected, bandits. . . And medicine. How on Earth did she get through it all? </p><p>Joel didn’t need to ask what had happened, because she probably wouldn’t be able to tell him, and either way, the answer was simple. Ellie had been through so much more than any fourteen-year-old should have. He felt sick, for he was supposed to protect her and take care of her and instead, Ellie somehow managed to save his life.  <br/>
 <br/>
He took a handkerchief and knelt in front of her, reaching a careful hand to cup her chin. At first, she recoiled, and Joel froze, hurting her more the last thing he’d want to do, and gave her all the time she needed. There was no hurry, now. </p><p>After a minute, she nodded, swallowing hard, and Joel held her chin gently, to wipe the bloodstains off her face. He then moved to her hands. Unfortunately, there was nothing to be done about the stains all over Ellie’s clothing, although Joel would have liked to erase any evidence whatsoever of what she had been forced to do back there.  <br/>
 <br/>
“You’re okay,” he said, although he realized he was partially lying to them both. He took her still shaky hands into his, blowing hot air into her cold limbs. “You’re safe now. It’s okay.”  <br/>
 <br/>
Without a single doubt, Ellie had surpassed any and all expectations--not today, but every day since he met her. She wasn’t the defenseless little girl he initially thought she was, nor the worst cargo he’d even been in charge of smuggling, nor a hindrance to the mission. She was unbelievably strong and brave, much more than she led on.  <br/>
 <br/>
“I’ll set up a fire,” he said--they were far enough that those cannibals would never be able to see the smoke through the woods.  <br/>
 <br/>
“I’ll take care of it,” Ellie said right away.  <br/>
 <br/>
Joel squinted his eyes at her, pondering how beneficial would it be to just order her to stay there and take it easy. In the end, he understood. Ellie needed the activity--anything to keep any thoughts of what she’d done from overwhelming her mind.  <br/>
 <br/>
After holding each other’s gaze for so long, Joel nodded. He helped Ellie to her feet and went their separate ways in a possibly futile attempt to find dry branches for a fire. They did not speak; there was no need for words. After all, they didn’t have the energy nor the strength to talk or share. Silence, at least for the time being, was the best medicine for them both. </p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. I swear</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Despite the obvious concentration required to drive a car safely, the last thing Joel’s mind was focused on were inane things like speed limits, obstacles in the road, the possible appearance of Infected, or traffic signs to show him the way back to Jacksonville. He was just trying to push aside all memory and remorse over what he had to do to all those doctors, guards, and to Marlene, and trying to focus on what mattered: the girl lying on the back seats and what he was supposed to tell her about what had happened at that Firefly hospital.  </p><p>There was only one thing certain: she couldn’t know the truth. She wanted desperately for her immunity to mean something, to make a change. If she learned he had just killed all those people, if she knew that a cure <em>was</em> possible, even at the cost of <em>her life,</em>  she’d force him to turn around and return her to the hospital. He wasn’t going to do that.  <br/> <br/>He <em>couldn’t.  </em><br/> <br/>A plan was just beginning to form in his head when he heard groaning from Ellie finally waking up. Joel sighed out of relief--he was, after all, a little concerned about her well-being after unhooking her to all those monitors and taking her while she was still out cold from the drugs.  <br/> <br/>“Take it easy,” he recommended. “Drugs are still wearing off.” <br/> <br/>“What happened?” she demanded.  <br/> <br/><em>Here we go,</em>  Joel feared, letting out a small sigh. He tensed, trying to keep a poker face and not let emotions betray him. The lies were just about to begin. </p><p>He admitted to finding the Fireflies--that much, he couldn’t deny. </p><p>“Turns out there’s a whole lot more like you, Ellie,” he said, his voice, low, as if that way he could hide the lies better, or prevent his voice from breaking and giving him away. “People that are immune. It’s dozens, actually. They’ve actually. . . They’ve stopped looking for a cure.” </p><p>Hurt, Ellie turned around, back facing Joel. For a second, he feared she’d seen through his lies and that she didn’t want to look at his face. But then, staring at her through the rearview mirror, he realized she’d started to cry, silently.  <br/> <br/>Joel swallowed back a sob himself and held tight to the steering wheel, forcing himself to keep driving forward. He’d done what had to be done to protect his little girl, although he’d forgotten how much a father can grieve when lying to his girl in order to spare her feelings and save her from the world itself. Then again, he never had to lie to Sarah about anything of such magnitude. And, lies or no lies, he failed to protect her, in the end.  </p><p>“I’m sorry,” he uttered finally, without getting any response now, either. </p><p>Joel knew how much being immune meant to Ellie--heck, being the cure to save humankind was too heavy a burden for any kid--and could only guess how much his words had hurt her. At that moment, he almost crumbled. He was this close to confess the truth and beg for forgiveness.  </p><p>Instead, he kept driving. He couldn’t risk it. He was not going to allow Ellie to go back. Giving her life in order to save humankind. . . It was not worth it. Her life was too precious--to him, at least. Marlene had completely lost sight of what was important. She claimed to care about Ellie, but she had no idea of what family is. A hypothetical cure had blinded her and the Fireflies’ goals. </p><p>So, for the time being, the best course of action <em>was</em> lying. </p><p>They were going back to Tommy’s. Let Ellie give rest a chance, get some speck of normalcy--of family. She should make some friends her age, forget everything that had happened, everything that she’d done. Allow her to move on and to have the tiniest glimpse of what life looked like back in the day, before the outbreak. Having normal teenage drama, tantrums, fights; maybe, if extremely lucky, fall in love. Joel vowed to do everything within his power to see that Ellie would get some sense of belonging. </p><p>A few hours later, they stopped for a quick break. Joe stepped outside of the car, stretching his sore muscles after the long drive. He took his weapons as he went for a little walk to check the surrounding area for either humans or Infected, while Ellie changed into a regular set of clothes inside the vehicle, throwing the hospital gown out of the window. </p><p>“Drink some water,” he recommended afterward. “We’ll try to scrounge some food to put in you.” </p><p>“I’m fine,” replied Ellie, sitting at the back seats again. </p><p>Joel got the door closed for her and he sat behind the steering wheel. As he drove, he kept checking in on Ellie time and time again through the mirror, expecting any sign that she did not believe his tale. But he had never lied to her before, he’d kept her safe and sound for over a year since they met, and having that prior trust, it had been easy to lie to her. For now. </p><p>At some point, the car gave up and Joel’s limited prowesses could not get it started again. Luckily enough, they were relatively close to Tommy’s dam. </p><p>“Nap’s over, kiddo. Looks like we’re walking. Come on.” </p><p>In a funny role-reversal after so many months of traveling cross-country, it was Joel who in that instance filled in the silence. He joked about getting on a bit, almost certain that Ellie would seize the chance to make fun of him, and he talked about Sarah and the hikes the two of them used to take through woods very much like the ones they were walking through right then. </p><p>Despite his best efforts, he barely got a couple of words out of Ellie. That silence gave him a clue about her feelings and the thoughts running through her mind, which she didn’t take long to open up about.</p><p>“None of that is on you,” he said after Ellie told him about Riley and the death toll that <em>definitely</em> shouldn’t be hanging over her shoulders.  </p><p>“You don’t understand, Joel--”</p><p>“I struggled for a long time with surviving.” His hand, unconsciously, reached for that broken wristwatch, like every damned time he thought of Sarah. The day it broke, it shattered his heart into a million pieces. That’s why he had to make Ellie understand--she couldn’t stay in the past and let remorse eat her alive. “No matter what, you keep finding something to fight for. Now, I know that’s not what you want to hear right now--” </p><p>“Swear to me!” she exploded. “Swear to me that everything you said about the Fireflies is true.” </p><p>With Ellie’s demand, Joel had another chance right there and then. He could tell her the truth. Maybe she’d understand. He could help her cope with it.</p><p>He made all the deliberations in under five seconds. The decision was simple, really. </p><p>“I swear.” Joel could see she was already struggling with the lies he’d told her, lies he already knew would keep him awake at night. Lies that he would keep until his last day on Earth, for it meant Ellie would be safe and sound. She would have a life, and that’s what mattered the most.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Last Conversations</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It was a bad habit of his that Joel couldn’t, for the life of him, get rid of. Keeping tabs on Ellie, making sure she was alright, checking in on her every time he had the chance. He had already admitted to himself that he would always worry about her safety and well-being--he knew it well before he’d even delivered her to the Fireflies, and the feeling only grew stronger with each passing day. </p><p>He always checked her routes behind her back and Jesse was the receiver of any and all of his concerns about Ellie’s tasks and patrol routes. He also checked her notes and reports, his heart twisting in agony when he read Ellie had had a close call with Infected, although rationally, he knew for a fact the girl could handle herself. </p><p>His eyes fell on her whenever she entered a room he was in, too, just as he spotted her as soon as she showed up at the winter dance. And although he’d been drinking in a corner with some of the neighbors, laughing and joking, he kept staring at her over the shoulder. He saw her speaking with Jesse and then dancing with Dina--they looked good together, he caught himself thinking, like the proud father he certainly wasn’t to Ellie. </p><p>So it truly came as no surprise that, when that old geezer Seth uttered that slur to the two girls, Joel found himself sprinting across the room and putting himself between Seth and Ellie before he’d realized what he’d done. It was a good thing Maria and Tommy handled the discussion, too. </p><p>“You alright, kiddo?” </p><p>But, of course, Ellie didn’t need his help. Not only that, she didn’t want his helping and meddling, and she got her point across for Joel and for the whole damned town. She was becoming a fearless, passionate, strong, independent woman right before his eyes. . . A woman who didn’t want him around. </p><p>Under the stares of everyone from town, Joel exited the ballroom. He specifically chose the opposite door Maria and Tommy had just dragged Seth through, making an effort to avoid confrontations. </p><p>Joel zipped his jacket against the cold night breeze and, said goodbye to the few people standing outside. They hadn’t yet heard about the little quarrel inside, but it wouldn’t take long--there were no secrets in this place. Seth, Ellie, Dina, and he had just given fuel to cover the gossip for the up coming couple of weeks, easy. Most people knew he and Ellie had had some sort of beef between them, but no one except for Tommy and Maria knew the whole story. This would just add up to the already existing rumors. </p><p>Making a detour to avoid walking past Ellie’s place, Joel finally found solace by climbing up the steps to his porch and turning on the lights. For more than twenty years after the outbreak, he never thought he’d ever find a place he could consider home, live in a community again. If he forgot about the outer world and never left the safety of the town--which some people around here did--he could almost pretend that the past decades had only been a nightmare. </p><p>Of course, they weren’t. The pain was too difficult to bear. Too much to ignore. </p><p>He went inside and poured himself a cup of blessed coffee, trying not to think of what he had to surrender to get that small amount of grains. Whatever he could find or trade, it would never come close to the coffee they once made, but it almost came close. He picked up his guitar and went outside to sit down on the porch. </p><p>Taking a first sip of the coffee, he let the warm beverage spread through his system. It still felt surreal, this little spot of heaven. Back in Texas, he and Tommy used to spend so many evenings out on the porch, playing and singing. From time to time, they still picked up the habit with Maria--Ellie used to join them on occasion, too, back when they were on speaking terms and she was learning to play the guitar. Her absence transformed this little ritual into something horrible, instead of the perfect paradise it could have been. </p><p>Joel strummed the guitar in a C minor chord and then tuned the strings. He took one more sip of coffee and then went on to play a little, slow tune he had had in his mind for a little while, already. He hummed along with some of the verses, still trying to remember the lyrics. </p><p>Three years back, just when Ellie was starting to build up her confidence regarding her musical skills, he’d been in two minds about asking her to perform together at the Winter Dance. He figured that she was ready and there was enough time to practice a few songs with the band, without mentioning they had never played in public--they’d only had private lessons until then, with the very rare exceptions of Tommy and Maria. </p><p>Then again, that’s when Ellie demanded the truth from him. And from that moment onward, they were through. </p><p>Keeping away from her was the hardest thing Ellie had ever asked from him. His system rebelled and acted up against it every minute of every day. His instincts told him he needed to stay with her, be the father figure she’d never known, and that she deserved fully. It was an exorbitant job to demand from an old, cantankerous old man whose whole world revolved around that one girl. </p><p>It was, alas, the price he had to pay in order not to lose Ellie. Joel was fully committed to oblige it, hard as it was, until the girl could forgive him. If that never happened. . . Well, at least having her around, relatively close, he could make sure she was safe and sound. It wasn’t enough, but he’d have to make do. </p><p>Suddenly, the girl who occupied his dreams and his thoughts every minute of every day, stood in front of him. Caught by surprise, unsure if Ellie being there was just a product of his old, tired mind, Joel stopped playing mid-song. </p><p>“Hey,” he greeted, putting down the guitar. </p><p>Ellie could barely look at Joel in the eye, much less muster a greeting. She leaned on the veranda and Joe followed with his cup of coffee, leaving a respectful distance from Ellie, although those yards hurt them both. They spent so much time here at the beginning, playing and exchanging terrible puns and talking, and yet, Ellie hadn’t been over for so long. </p><p>Her inquiry about Joel’s coffee and the subsequent conversation felt stiff, awkward, and overly formal, like two strangers talking about the weather. Then, Ellie brought up what was bugging her and the reason for her to come all the way to Joel’s place: that feud with Seth. She also mentioned the way Joel had been harassing poor Jesse over her routes and the patrols. The bottom line was the same story as always, Joel’s overprotective meddling in her life and her request of him leaving her alone. </p><p>Message received, Joel nodded. However, Ellie lingered, patting her foot on the porch, and he took it like the first opening she’d given him in months. </p><p>“Dina,” he said slowly, giving her time to stop him or to leave if that’s what she wanted to do. He needed to take the chance to question about Ellie’s feelings. He knew about her doings through other people’s tales--especially Tommy’s, he supposed--but missed the conversations and arguments he and Ellie used to have. “Is she your girlfriend?” </p><p>“No,” scoffed Ellie immediately. </p><p>She had denied the question so categorically, in a too quick a response. Sort of the reaction he used to get from Sarah when he teased her about boys in her class. Ellie’s stuttered explanations and justifications only led Joel to believe two things: Ellie really liked Dina, and the girl would be so lucky to have Ellie. </p><p>“You’re such an asshole,” she exploded. “I was supposed to die in that hospital. My life would have fucking mattered. But you took that from me.”</p><p>“Your life matters,” he replied with vehemence, angered that Ellie should even think like that, that she thought she didn’t deserve this life. If that was the reason why she was so reluctant towards Dina and commitment to any relationship, Joel really needed to get through to her. “You do matter to me.” </p><p>“I’m only a girl, Joel. Think of all the lives I could have saved.” </p><p><em>She should know better, </em> sighed Joel. She wasn’t just <em>a girl.</em> She was his whole world, now. She was the person who saved him without knowing, just being herself, warming her way to his heart, where she’d found a permanent residence. Before finding her, he’d made peace with life being miserable and lonely. She changed everything, turned his world upside down again. She was his priority now, just as Sarah was so many years before, the most important thing in the world. He couldn’t have lost her. </p><p>“You were selfish!” she accused him, spot-on. “What if they had been able to produce a vaccine?” </p><p>“What if they hadn’t?” Joe replied, straightening to look at her in the eye. This time, she didn’t recoil or look away. “Huh? <em>What then?</em>  Your death wouldn’t have meant anything! You don’t know what could have happened and, given the choice between life and death, life is <em>always</em>  the go-to choice!” </p><p>“But it wasn’t <em>your</em>  choice, Joel!” Ellie insisted, pointing an accusatory finger at him. “It was <em>my</em>  choice, one that you never let me take!” </p><p>Joel closed his eyes and sighed deeply, trying to simmer down a bit--voices carried easily around town and they were supposed to keep Ellie’s immunity secret. That was just an excuse to surrender, of course, he acknowledged as he laid the cup of coffee on the veranda. The truth was, they were never going to see eye to eye on this argument. </p><p>“If the Lord somehow gave me a second chance at that moment,” he started once more, back straight to prove his point of view, “I would do it all over again.” </p><p>He finished that sentence looking straight at Ellie to show that he truly meant every word. The girl didn’t react for so long, a hurt demeanor in her eyes, and then she looked away, over the houses and the fence, to the wild world. </p><p>Giving her time to ponder his words, Joel leaned back on the veranda, hoping Ellie could understand. Her sole purpose in life was not saving humankind. There was an argument to be made that humankind didn’t deserve that kind of sacrifice--would she truly give her life for those bastard monsters who tried to kill her? They weren’t Infected, they were simply deranged. </p><p>“Yeah. . .” she sighed after the longest time. “I just. . . I don’t think I can ever forgive you for that.” </p><p>Trying to control his breathing and not to crumble in front of Ellie, Joel picked up his coffee mug. Those were harsh words to listen to, especially when he’d feared that possibility for so damned long. His priorities were to keep Ellie safe and alive. If she couldn’t forgive him for that, well. . . </p><p>Right and wrong stopped having any sort of meaning to Joel a long time ago. In the world they lived in, it was all about surviving. Survival of the fittest--every man by himself. One person’s good deeds could be another person’s nightmares and Joel had made peace with that. He knew there was no heaven for him, perhaps not even Hell. He was fine living his life one day at a time, left alone. </p><p>When he met Ellie, the simple, cruel world he’d set for himself vanished. Nothing made sense anymore, his priorities got sorted out by themselves without him knowing it. Right and wrong revolved all-around Ellie, now: whether she was happy, whether she was hurt, whether she was <em>alive.</em> The world got simpler, yet terrifyingly harder. </p><p>“But I would like to try,” Ellie added then, almost a question. </p><p>He heard in her voice the same suffering and affliction he felt in his heart every day: for all the lies, for being alone, for the time they’d let slip and would never get back. He looked up at her a broken man holding onto those words like a liferaft when he confessed that he’d really like her to try. </p><p>“I’ll see you around,” Ellie bid farewell, after saying what she’d come to say. </p><p>“Yep,” Joel nodded. </p><p>At that last syllable, he choked and his voice broke. He cleared his throat, trying to swallow back the unbearable knot threatening to burst at any moment for the past few minutes, and somehow managed not to start crying until Ellie had left the porch. </p><p>That was the first time they’d had a decent conversation in months. The first hint at a possible, hypothetical open door from Ellie since their argument at the hospital. His soul was being pulled away in so many different directions. . . He wanted to go after Ellie, begged her to return and begin, right there and then, a reconciliation. He wanted to have a good cry, to yell into the night. He knew she needed her space and so, he gave it to her. </p><p>He staggered back to the chair, where he dropped dead, as exhausted as if he’d just single-handedly taken care of a horde of clickers and boaters--only, his exhaustion at that moment stemmed from an emotional standpoint. A bit shaken, he allowed the coffee mug to warm his fingers, the beverage spring life into his system once more. </p><p>He stared at his instrument laying against the wall, pondering that not even an electric guitar at the maximum volume could equal the burst of joy his heart had felt the past couple of minutes. He didn’t quite believe he could play a single chord to calm down. </p><p>Another song, another guitar, started playing not too far away. His head shot up and he looked over to Ellie’s home’s direction. He knew without a shred of doubt the music came from her place and not the winter dance--he taught her that one song. Or, at the very least, he was trying to teach it to her right before their argument and fallout. </p><p>He tapped the rhythm on his knee and smiled against his coffee cup. He hadn’t heard her practice in so damned long, but she hadn’t forgotten. She started hesitantly, missing some particularly difficult chords, and was slowly building up her confidence as the song progressed, although for the moment she did not sing. He hummed the words for her, wishing to be by her side and accompany Ellie. Hoping it wouldn't take long before they could play and sing together again. </p><p>Deep inside his heart, he wondered if she’d missed playing just as much as he’d missed hearing her play. He missed playing together, how irritated Ellie got whenever she messed up, how beautiful some of their songs used to sound together, his low voice, her higher pitch. Joel chuckled to himself knowing that Ellie would soon complain about her calluses, which certainly would have healed from her fingers in the time she hadn’t played.  </p><p>Her guitar lingered, song after song, for a long time, and Joel stayed out there, on the porch, head against the wall, a silly smile on his face. He could stay there for days on end listening to her playing--he will definitely weather the cold for as long as Ellie plays, listening to every song, every chord, imagining every cursed uttered under her breath when she messed up. Her playing was the most beautiful thing he'd ever heard. It was a peace offering and a chance of hope for the future that worked better than any speeches Ellie could have prepared. Hearing her play again, Joel could die a happy man.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Believe me, I feel horrible after writing this--crying my eyes out here. . . Especially after that last paragraph. . . How MUCH I WISH THINGS WERE DIFFERENT, I CANNOT TELL YOU IN WORDS!! </p><p>Also, these were the only 4 scenes from TLOU-1 I wanted to write, extending cutscenes that were just devastatingly cut short in the games ('Cause, if it ai't broke, don't fix it, am I right? And you do not mess with a masterpiece as TLOU). As I mentioned in the summary, the 5th and final chapter is completely freelance, and just what I'd imagined the second game's storyline would be like. So, I hope you like that one too !</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. TLOU-2 Reimagined</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Last chapter and, as I mentioned before, this is just an alternative storyline of the second game, adapted to TLOU-2 canon. I am not going to expand and/or finish this story, this is simply an idea of how I believe the game could have been a thousand times better without killing Joel off. Or, at the very least, they could have given him a <em>better</em>  death scene by, I don't know, simply having him killed off while trying to protect Ellie?? Seriously, the writers couldn't have depicted a more OOC death scene for Joel <em>even</em> if they'd tried. </p><p>I'm really trying not to get mad every time I think about the second game and Joel and, apparently, I'm not succeeding. So let's just move on, and I hope you enjoy this fifth chapter. I might publish some more stories in the near future :)</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>They laid on the couch, side by side, not a worry in the world. After seeing each other’s naked bodies for the first time, they’d also seen a number of scars and old injuries--a map, or perhaps a key, to each other’s past and stories.</p><p>Now, trying to come down from the high of the weed and the sex, Dina and Ellie were sharing those stories and anecdotes, embarrassing and painful as they could be. After all, there was little more they could do at the moment until the blizzard cleared out and they could return safe and sound to Jackson.</p><p>Dina had just told Ellie about the scar on her stomach she got when she was twelve and she tried to ride a skateboard, but she fell on her knife. . . They laughed at the testament to Dina’s clumsiness and then Ellie raised her right arm, knowing this was one difficult story to tell and to digest.</p><p>Years back, after they got to Jackson, Ellie had tried to erase the bite mark by burning it with a chemical, and then got a tattoo over the forearm. A chemical burn accident on some store department or something, while trying to escape Infected, was a much believable and easy story than the truth, and that was what she and Joel, along with Tommy and Maria, told the townfolk whenever they asked. And if they didn’t, they usually avoided the question altogether.</p><p>“I got jumped by an Infected when I was 14. And. . . It turns out, I’m. . . Immune,” Ellie confessed through clenched teeth.</p><p>The truth that Joel hid from her for so long still hurt her soul. Knowing how many people she could have healed already. . . She still couldn’t quite believe Joel took her out of that hospital before the doctors could come up with a cure, even if the cost was her life. How many people would trade one life to save millions? Marlene understood. . . Ellie understood it, too. And she still wasn’t sure Joel hadn’t fucked up at that moment. If she had a chance, she wasn’t too sure of what she’d choose. She’d have time to come to terms with it. She was ready, or so she wanted to believe.</p><p>“So it healed with a ring of fucked up teeth marks and cysts and--”</p><p>Dina interrupted her speech by kicking her, painfully, on the arm, and Ellie returns immediately to the present.</p><p>“Ow!”</p><p>“Fuck you,” scowled Dina. “I told you a real fucking story.”</p><p>“I <em>did</em> tell you a real fucking story!” Ellie promised, as Dina repositioned herself over her, holding Ellie down by the shoulders as she accused her of lying--although Ellie could only chuckle at her shenanigans.</p><p>“Oh, you want a bite mark?” Dina suggested, playfully.</p><p>At that, Ellie stuttered, confused, and disoriented as to how she should respond, whereas Dina held her chin. Their games and jokes ended right there and then, however, when they heard a loud crash, glass shattering. . . And yells they could only identify as Infected.</p><p>Dina jumped out of the couch in a swift movement and Ellie followed, grabbing her sweater.</p><p>“Fuck! Did they break in?” scowled Ellie, looking around to locate her clothes and weapons. The screaming and the commotion seemed to be still far away, fortunately, giving them both just a few precious seconds to get ready for the imminent attack.</p><p>“I’ve no idea. Eugene thought this was place secure,” confessed Dina.</p><p>Back facing Ellie, she was frantically rummaging all the drawers and cupboards within reach for any spare ammo she could find. Ellie got their handguns from the floor and gave Dina hers back, while she handed her the few bullets she’d managed to retrieve under such a short period of time.</p><p>“How’re you on ammo?”</p><p>“It’ll have to do,” said Ellie. “Ready to kick some Infected ass?”</p><p>“Hell yeah,” Dina nodded.</p><p>Together, they left Eugene’s secret cove, covering each other’s backs at every step--the way they’d been trained and grown used to do on their patrols. It was easy to pinpoint the spot the Infected had broken in through: they just needed to head back towards the coldest place, where the wind blew stronger, and snow filtered in.</p><p>The path led them back to the Library entrance, where they saw two figures and heard sharp breathing. Dina and Ellie split, hiding behind two tables. From their advantage points, they saw the two figures covering up with a wooden stake a broken window. One of them was a woman, judging by her hair collected in a braid.</p><p>“Fuck, that was too close,” scowled the other figure, a male voice, his breathing ragged.</p><p>So they weren’t infected, Ellie and Dina concluded. Still, they both knew humans could be just as dangerous. They nodded at the same time--they needed to use their slight advantage now, before the tables turned. They jumped, weapons raised, turning on the flashlights.</p><p>“Freeze right there!” ordered Ellie.</p><p>“Drop your weapons!” was Dina’s command.</p><p>The two strangers, shocked, obliged their orders. They froze where they stood and, blinded by the lights, they surrendered their guns, dropping them on the floor, and then, following Ellie’s instructions, stepped back, away from their weapons.</p><p>“Don’t shoot,” begged the man.</p><p>“We’re not Infected,” added the woman. “In fact, we just escaped from a horde of clickers and bloaters. The storm caught us by surprise while we were returning to our refuge in a lodge north of here.”</p><p>“We just need to weather the blizzard and we’ll be on our way. There’s no need for any blood today,” the man tried to argue.</p><p>Dina and Ellie waited--to make sure it wasn’t a trap and there were no more humans around. But they could hear the Infected roaming outside and if this was a trap, they would have been attacked already.</p><p>The woman was tall, strong, and muscular, fit like most people who’d survived this long in the Apocalypse, her blond hair pulled up in a braid. The man had brown hair and was equally strong, a little bit taller than his partner. Dina and Ellie knew they needed to keep their distance, and they kept their weapons raised, for the moment. They weren’t too sure about their chances at winning those two in a fair, physical match, so they couldn’t let things get that far, under no circumstance.</p><p>“Holy shit,” the woman whispered then, making the two girls tense more. “You’re. . . You’re Ellie, aren’t you?”</p><p>“And who the fuck are you?” scowled the girl.</p><p>“No way,” groaned the man. “Where the fuck is Joel?”</p><p>At the mention of that name, Ellie’s finger on the trigger quivered dangerously. She could barely muster the strength to take a deep breath and remember not to waste ammo, although she wanted to make a couple of strainers out of the two strangers.</p><p>“What the fuck do you want from him?”</p><p>“Ellie--” the man said, trying to take a step forward.</p><p>That name and that advance did it for Ellie. She pointed her gun at the floor and shot at the man’s feet, very close to his shoes. He recoiled immediately and stood by his partner’s side, raising his hands again in the air.</p><p>“Everybody relax,” ordered the woman, holding her partner by the shoulder to prevent any further stupid advances from him.</p><p>“How the fuck do you know my name? Who the fuck are you guys?” Ellie demanded again.</p><p>“We’re Fireflies,” the woman hurried to explain, keeping her voice low.</p><p>“I thought the Fireflies had disbanded,” Dina interjected.</p><p>“We did. We were Fireflies, to be more precise,” the woman explained, although she looked and addressed only Ellie. “We’re from WLF. My name’s Abigail Anderson, this is Owen Moore. We were both at that hospital in Salt Lake City four years ago. . .”</p><p>“Bullshit,” scowled Ellie.</p><p>“How else would we know about what happened at that Hospital? How else would we know who you are. . . What you are?” the woman, Abby, demanded in return. She stopped there, because she saw the confusion in both Dina’s eyes, and understood the girl didn’t know about Ellie’s immunity.</p><p>“What is she talking about?” she demanded Ellie in a whisper. She, however, was in no state of answering, of saying that the story she told her just a few minutes ago was true. Her mind was spinning, she started to see dark spots on the corners of her eyes. “Hey, Ellie!”</p><p>“Ellie, we’ve been trying to find you ever since,” the man, Owen, insisted. “The doctors have been trying around the clock working out another way to get a sample from your cordyceps and make a cure. . .”</p><p><em>“SHUT UP!”</em> ordered Ellie in a high-pitched shriek.</p><p>Her shriek finally managed Abby and Owen to stop talking and give her a break, but the words remained. Her mind was just tormenting her with memories and flashbacks she could not deal with right now. It all came back to one common denominator, and that was one person and the choices and actions he did back then: Joel.</p><p>She tumbled and dropped her arm to the side.</p><p>“Ellie,” Dina whispered, frantic, seeing there was no way to hold their position, now.</p><p>“All this time. . . You’ve been trying to find the cure?” asked Ellie. Her voice barely above a whisper, she was only looking at Owen and Abby, without sparing Dina a look or an explanation.</p><p>“We have,” nodded Abby.</p><p>“Doctors still need samples from you to create it, though,” Owen pointed out. “But they’ve made some monumental advances in the past few years. You could come back in a matter of weeks, maybe.”</p><p>“Do not even think about it!!” yelled Dina.</p><p>Before she could fire a warning shot, or maybe just shoot both former Fireflies on the head and be done with it all, Ellie disarmed Dina and took her gun. To finish her work, she pushed Dina, hard, and she fell on the floor, hitting a table.</p><p>By the time she recovered from the shock of Ellie’s actions and the impact, it was too late: Abby and Owen had taken their guns from the floor and ran towards Dina. Ellie was closer, and faster, only this time, she stood in front of Dina, protecting her from the two strangers. She still had her gun in her hand and the two former Fireflies would never endanger her life.</p><p>The four of them froze, all eyes on Ellie, waiting for her answer. Hardened, she was trying to ponder all the possibilities in under a few seconds. All her instincts told her to shoot these two strangers and return to Jackson with Dina, send word that suspicious people had gotten awfully close to their community.</p><p>Her heart, however, beat with a different song. Ellie had right there in front of her the fantasy, or maybe dream, she’d hoped forever since she learned the truth. She had, once more, the chance of saving humans such as Joel, Dina, Jesse, Tommy, or Maria. Her life could matter. She had a purpose.</p><p>It wasn’t really even a question, really. She’d decided her fate more than four years ago. And this time around, Joel wasn’t going to make the decision for her.</p><p>“I’ll go with you--”</p><p>“Ellie, you’re not going anywhere with them!” Dina yelled.</p><p>“I’ll go with you, wherever you want, for however long you need me,” Ellie finished her statement as if Dina had never spoken. “But you will not harm her. I’ll make sure she doesn’t follow us.”</p><p>“And Joel?” Abby demanded, a hatred look in her eyes Ellie couldn’t quite decipher.</p><p>“If you harm him in any way, I won’t cooperate with you,” she said, just to be on the safe side. Something told her these two had a personal vendetta towards Joel because of what had happened in that hospital, and she needed to make sure they wouldn’t carry out any acts of revenge. She had the upper hand here and she was going to make use of it.</p><p>“Stop, Ellie!” Dina yelled again.</p><p>“We need to get going,” said Owen, pointing at the girl on the floor. “Say your goodbyes and make it fast.”</p><p>Ellie nodded, taking a breath before she turned around towards Dina. She knelt in front of her and stopped all her attempts at standing by kissing her again on the lips--needed one more taste of her before she left. But with that kiss, Ellie was also trying to distract Dina from her deeper intentions: she pushed Dina back against the table and, using rope, she tied her wrists on two separate table legs.</p><p><em>“No!”</em> Dina shrieked when she realized she’d been set up. “Let me go, right now!”</p><p>“I’m sorry,” Ellie whispered.</p><p>Next, she took Dina’s knife and laid it on the ground by her foot. They needed some time to get away from Jackson, but she’d left the knife close enough for Dina to, eventually, free herself and not starve to death or get eaten. It was the best compromise she could make.</p><p>Of course, she also realized that as soon as Dina cut the ropes, she’d return to Jackson and give the word of her fleeing with two complete strangers. There was no way of predicting how Joel would react, but, deep down, Ellie knew exactly what Joel’s first response would be: to go after her, came Hell or High water.</p><p>“Whatever happens, stop Joel, do not let him come after me and stop me. This is my decision--I need to do this, it’s not up to him this time. I’ll be fine, I promise,” she begs.</p><p>“Ellie, you can’t go with them! Don’t do this, please!”</p><p>Unable to move, hearing Dina’s please, Ellie reconsidered for a brief moment. But she wasn’t going back on her word, not again. She needed her life and all she’d been through to mean something.</p><p>So, she leaned forward and kissed Dina again--a real kiss this time, one that she’d better give a fucking 10 for the effort. With that kiss, Ellie tried to make up for the leaving her behind tied to a table, for the lack of explanations, for not telling her about her immunity earlier, for leaving her in charge of stopping an unstoppable force such as Joel. . . There was so much left unsaid in that kiss, that she didn’t have the time to express.</p><p>And because she couldn’t waste any more time, Ellie picked up her handgun and backpack and followed Abby and Owen outside, trying to block out Dina’s yells at her back.</p><p> </p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p> </p><p>Pacing in circles, Joel could barely think--or breathe. He looked up at the sky, wishing he could break the Laws of the universe with his will.</p><p>It was getting dark. Too dark to wander around the woods, especially during a blizzard that had only gotten worse throughout the afternoon. He and Tommy called themselves lucky when they made it back to Jackon. . . Although the good humor disappeared quickly, as soon as Joel asked about Ellie and Jesse said she and Dina hadn’t shown up yet.</p><p>“Joel, they’re smart and resourceful girls. I’m sure they’re alright,” Alicia tried to reassure him, for the umpteenth time. Again, he only groaned as a response. He trusted the two girls--he just didn’t trust the evil lurking at every corner of this monstrous world.</p><p>They should have been back hours ago. What the hell had happened? Where the hell were they?</p><p>He looked up at the surveillance tower, who prolonged his torture by not announcing Ellie and Dina’s arrival. By the corner of his eye, he caught Alicia shaking her head at some townfolk, and waving them goodbye. There hadn’t been any news and were they to stay at the stables or by the gates, they’d be as useless as Joel.</p><p>And they’d have to suffer Joel’s bad temper, too, which not too many people were able to handle. Even Tommy and Maria had given up a long time ago and at the moment were waiting for news down at the canteen. They’d even tried to convince him to go back with them, dry off, and eat something. Joel had only groaned in response. He would rest and eat when he saw Ellie with his own two eyes, when he knew she was safe and sound, uninjured.</p><p>Until then, he kept pacing around the north entrance and the stables, groaning and scowling as the only response to the empty promises and reassurances the townfolk tried to give him.</p><p>Jesse, sitting on a stool in a corner of the stables, had also refused to leave.</p><p>“Dina knows the territory like the back of her hand. I’m sure they’ll find their way back,” he’d said earlier, maybe trying to convince himself.</p><p>He’d gotten no response, of course, except for a low growl from Joel. Those two girls getting lost was the least of his worries. They carried maps and compasses, and they would know to look for shelter if needed. There were just so many other threats out there that worried Joel. They could have found a horde of Infected. . . Or a human group.</p><p>At this point, knowing their track record, Joel wasn’t sure if he feared more common Infected or regular people.</p><p>“Joel,” Alicia tried to hand him a canteen, which he, again, refused.</p><p>“There!” one of the lookouts yelled.</p><p>Immediately, Joel, Jesse, and Alicia stormed out of the stables, ventured into the blizzard, and looked up at the men surveilling the entrance gate. He had a pair of binoculars up to his eyes, trying to distinguish the figure approaching.</p><p>“It’s Dina!” he yelled then.</p><p>There was a momentary sigh of relief at the mention of that name, but then they all fell quiet, waiting to hear the other female name on everyone’s mind. After some seconds where the lookout, Kyle, said nothing, anxiety spiked.</p><p>“Go fetch Tommy and Maria,” Alicia ordered someone. A man left running, although Joel didn’t bother putting a name to the face.</p><p>“Fetch Doc, also,” he ordered. Dina could be injured, in shock, suffering from hypothermia. . . A thousand different scenarios ran through his head, each one worse than the previous. It all came back to the same thing: she was returning all alone. Something bad had happened to Ellie.</p><p>They approached the gate, seeing Dina’s figure getting closer and closer on her horse. Joel looked desperately through the blizzard, praying to God to see another rider approaching town, but Ellie never came.</p><p>“Dina!” Jesse yelled, reaching a hand for her horse's reigns. “Are you injured?”</p><p>“Whoa, boy,” Joel muttered, trying to calm down the animal, to help Dina come down. The animal was anxious, clearly, a result of its rider’s state of mind--the distraught look on Dina’s face made Joel’s heart skip a beat or two.</p><p>“Joel!” the girl yelled. “Thank God you’re here. We need to get going--”</p><p>“What?” shrieked Jesse, as Dina was already steering her horse to turn around and head back towards the gates, ready to fly off.</p><p>“Now, hold on a minute,” ordered Joel. His voice was so stern, fatherly, and taciturn that it did compel Dina to stop for a second and look at him over the shoulder. She was gasping, horror-struck face, but she realized she couldn’t just vanish as suddenly as she’d showed up. “Come down and tell us what happened.”</p><p>After a two-second deliberation, Dina obliged. Joel helped her climb down her horse while Jesse held onto the horse’s reigns and then, along with Alicia, they led Dina to the stables, where she would be sheltered from the storm and the cold. They helped her sit down at the stool Jesse had been occupying until a minute ago.</p><p>“What happened? Where is Ellie?” Joel pressed, albeit knowing Dina needed a minute. Alicia handed her a canteen and she took a very long sip.</p><p>“She. . . She left!” Dina shrieked. “Somebody took her!”</p><p>“Who did?” he pressed</p><p>“They said they were Fireflies. Former Fireflies, anyway.”</p><p><em>Oh, no. Fucking hell,</em> Joel scowled internally, stepping back, trying to put some physical distance from those forsaken words. Not this story again. He thought the Fireflies wouldn’t go after Ellie if he’d killed Marlene, the Queen Firefly. Had they really been looking for Ellie all this time?</p><p>Killing her--that’s all they’d wanted to do for the last for years?</p><p>He forced himself to calm down and think rationally. Riding off into the blizzard at night without something remotely similar to a plan would be suicidal, for him and for Ellie. He was smarter than that.</p><p>Sometimes. Where Ellie was concerned, his instincts were all messed up. He could barely hold still, he <em>had</em> to be on his way, after her.</p><p>“I need you to tell me everything you remember. Their names, how many of them there were, if they said where they were going. . .”</p><p>“Their names were Abby and Owen,” Dina said slowly, mouth dry, tears in her eyes. “They said. . . They said they were holed up with some friends in a lodge north of here. I. . . I cannot remember anything else. I’m sorry.”</p><p>“Don’t be,” Alicia said reassuringly. Joel moved so Alicia could offer the girl some more water, to swallow the knot in her throat. “It’s okay.”</p><p>“I tried to stop her,” promised Dina, tears in her eyes, shaking out of anger or shame--Joel couldn’t tell. Done with the retelling of the story, she was just blurting out words and feelings. “But Ellie wanted to go with them. She tied me up. . . I couldn’t do anything.”</p><p>“I know you couldn’t. It’s not your fault,” Joel nodded, softer voice. At least he could spare the girl that simple and honest reassurance. If she’d been able to, Dina would have stopped Ellie. He knew that much, he couldn’t truly resent Dina for not being able to protect Ellie from herself. She didn’t even realize how much had Ellie hoped for such an opportunity to arise.</p><p>“Joel, listen. She. . . She said we shouldn’t go after her.”</p><p>At that, Joel groaned. He assumed Ellie knew he wasn’t going to listen to her pleas and that he’d go after her. Why couldn’t she understand? Her life was more than that. She shouldn’t sacrifice herself for humanity, who didn’t deserve it.</p><p>Suddenly, the stables got a whole lot crowder when Tommy, Maria, and Doc made their appearance then. They saw Dina unscathed, although the worry in their eyes intensified when they realized the word had it right--Ellie was nowhere to be seen.</p><p>Joel stood, giving Doc some room to check Dina’s vitals, just as the interrogation began all over again.</p><p>“Jesus Christ, Dina, what the hell happened?” Maria demanded.</p><p>“Are you injured?” was Doc’s question. “Was it Infected?”</p><p>Now that he knew Dina was safe and sound and would be taken care of by people she trusted, Joel picked up his backpack. He’d left it closeby, packed with supplies and ammo, in case the worst-case scenarios were confirmed--which they did. He needed to go after Ellie.</p><p>Behind him, Tommy didn’t miss the fact that Joel had planned to go out. He followed his brother across the stables, as Joel headed straight for Pilgrim’s stall.</p><p>“Joel, what’re you doing?” he demanded.</p><p>“You heard her--Ellie’s been taken,” Joel said over the shoulder, preparing his saddle. “They’ve got two hours on us. We need to go after them.”</p><p>Under any other circumstances, he would have chosen Goliath, the horse Joel usually went out riding with, but after a whole day out on patrol, the animal just wouldn't be fit for a chase across-country. Pilgrim was, however, strong and young--maybe a bit willful for Joel’s taste--and could handle the mission.</p><p>Tommy didn’t seem to understand, however, as he stopped him, standing in front of Pilgrim's stall before Joel took the horse out.</p><p>“And how are you planning on finding whoever took Ellie?”</p><p>“Dina said those Fireflies had been holed up in a lodge up north. It has to be the Baldwin place. I’ll start there to find any clues about the Fireflies and bring Ellie back.”</p><p>“What. . . Are you serious? The Fireflies?” demanded Tommy, lowering his voice and looking over his shoulder to make sure no one was listening in their conversation. Everyone was too busy and worried over Dina, luckily. “After all this time?”</p><p>“Looks like it,” scowled Joel. He moved, and since Tommy didn’t stop him, Joel proceeded to take Pilgrim out of his stall and saddle him. As if sensing the urgency of the situation, the animal stood quietly, proud of being chosen.</p><p>“Joel, I. . . I don’t think you should be going alone,” said Tommy, following him outside, into the blizzard. “Give me some time. . . Organize a search party.”</p><p>“She’s not lost, Tommy,” scowled Joel. “It’s not a matter of sweeping the woods and find her. She’s been taken, God knows where. And I need to go after her. I will <em>not</em> let her give up her fucking life--”</p><p>“No, I understand that, you know I do, but still--”</p><p>“Are you going to help me or stop me?” Joel demanded then, rudely, because he saw the doubt in Tommy’s eyes, and needed to decide quickly.</p><p>“I. . .”</p><p>“Get off me!” Dina yelled at that moment. Both men turned just in time to see the girl pushing Doc away from her, and swiftly joining them outside. “Joel, I’m coming. Let me grab my gear and some supplies and--”</p><p>“You’re in no condition of going anywhere,” scowled Maria.</p><p>“Like hell, I’m staying behind when it was my fault that Ellie left!” scowled Dina, picking her backpack from the ground. “Plus, you’re not looking for the Fireflies, you’re looking for the WLF.”</p><p>“The WLF? What the fuck is the WLF?” Joel demanded, looking up at Tommy.</p><p>“No idea,” said he in all honesty.</p><p>“Well, whatever it is, we need to get going, right now,” scowled Joel, pissed off at all the time they were wasting. “I have to find Ellie and bring her back. What’s it going to be, Maria?”</p><p>The woman stuttered for all of five seconds. She knew that forbidding Joel from leaving town would only result in the man sneaking out to go after Ellie. Of course, the crux of the matter was figuring out how many people were actually going to go after Ellie, risking everything that lurked out there--both humans and Infected. A specific prohibition won’t stop Dina, or Jesse, or Tommy, for that matter.</p><p>“Fine. You’ve got my permission.”</p><p>Joel nodded, without even bothering to thank her--words were unnecessary by that point. Instead, he turned towards Tommy.</p><p>“Give me five minutes to grab my gear,” he begged.</p><p>Everyone split apart then: Maria went to the lookouts to explain the situation, Alicia left with Tommy to spread the word about Ellie, and Jesse tried to drag Dina back into the stables for her to be checked out by the Doctor and get the rest she so desperately needed. The girl, however, pushed Jesse away, too, and went straight to Joel, who was checking the horse’s hooves.</p><p>“Joel--”</p><p>“If Doc hasn’t cleared you yet, you are not going with us,” he scowled without turning around. He reached for John, who handed him a farrier to trim and shoe the hooves.</p><p>“That’s not it,” scoffed Dina. “Is it. . . Is it true? Is Ellie really. . . Immune?”</p><p>Shocked at that word, Joel dropped his work and looked around, making sure no one had heard her. Luckily, the closest people to their position were Jesse and Maria, and they were busy preparing the horses.</p><p>For the first time in four years, Joel decided that the best course of action was the truth. If he’d been honest with Ellie from the beginning, maybe they wouldn’t be in this vicissitude. Maybe she and he would have been closer, would have gone out in patrol together, maybe he could have stopped her.</p><p>“Yeah. She is,” he nodded.</p><p>“And there’s a cure?”</p><p>“I highly doubt it,” scowled Joel, returning to Goliath. “They didn’t, four years ago. Or, at the very least, they would have to kill her to produce it. I didn’t let them go through with it.”</p><p>Dina swallowed and Joel saw she’d understood easily enough the euphemism he’d used to say he’d killed everyone who’d previously tried to put Ellie’s life in danger. She actually seemed appreciative of his efforts to save Ellie back then, and seemed to understand Joel would stop at nothing to keep her safe now.</p><p>“I’ll find her,” he said. Not an empty promise--just the statement of a fact. He couldn’t live with himself if he didn’t bring Ellie back. Whatever it took, whatever means necessary, he <em>would</em> find her.</p><p>The real question here was what he was going to do when he did. Would he kill every last member of the Firefly he could find--again? Would he be forced to drag Ellie back across the country, lock her up in her house here in Jackson to prevent the girl from going after the Fireflies again under her own volition?</p><p>Joel didn’t have the answer to those questions just yet, but they didn’t matter, not at that moment. The first point of order was <em>finding</em> her. All the discussions and arguments would come later on.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Please let me know what you thought !! Let me know if the game left you as devastatingly hollow and emotionally unstable as I'm feeling RN, I'd love to hear I'm not alone in here. . .</p></blockquote></div></div>
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